Buttered Noodles

1. Sleep for 11 hours a night, with a 2-hour nap midday.
2. Let the dog pee on the patio instead of taking him for a walk.
3. Eat refried beans out of the can, with handfuls of salt thrown in.
4. Check your mail on occasion, but always put back the junk mail into the mailbox rather than take it up to your apartment.
5. Dishes on dishes on dishes in the sink.
6. Why have sex when you can masturbate?
7. Buy new underwear every other week instead of doing laundry.
8. Let your phone get to 6% battery because the charger is in the other room.
9. Notice that your sweater is inside out while at the coffee shop, but don’t go to the bathroom to turn it righside out.
10. Write a listicle instead of a real essay.

Lazy people of the world, unite!