Nightstand Chronicles

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I think what’s on your nightstand says a lot about you.

  1. Passport: I’m always ready for an adventure… is what an online dating profile would say. In reality, it’s out because I was examining how bad my picture was and wishing it didn’t look like the mugshot of a really unhappy girl who works at a fruit co-op.
  2. Two empty Bud Light cans: I drink in bed. ‘Nuff said.
  3. Pill Bottle One and Pill Bottle Two: White top is for insomnia, green top is for the crazies, as in it helps with my crazies. The two in conjunction with one another make me a relatively decent functioning human being.
  4. Raisins: normally this would be replaced with an empty pizza box but today I am not cheating on my diet. Check back again tomorrow.
  5. Hand lotion and other lotion: even though my showering habits are questionable, my smooth skin rituals are on point, son.
  6. Stack of books: poetry book by Yannis Ritsos because I am artsy, trashy novel because I get bored easily, writing notebook because every now and then I like to pretend I am a writer.
  7. Salt Crystal Light: not the drink powder, but rather a crystal, that is a light, that was made by hippies, for other hippies, who think they will be healed if they bask in the glow of salted crystals. Sometimes I lick it like a salt lick as though I am a horse. No joke.
  8. Travel size nail polish remover: I am a girl.
  9. Half empty glass of water: eternal pessimist. Oh wait, i forgot, we’re calling ourselves realists instead.
  10. Napkins: stacks and stacks of them. Did I mention I eat almost exclusively in bed? Usually I wipe my fingers on the bedsheet, but sometimes I am a functioning human being who uses the proper tools to wipe up my grease-stained face. METAPHOR FOR LIFE.

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