Top 10 Worst Dates I’ve Been On

So most of you know I go out on a lot of dates. Like, a lot. Last week I had three dates in one night. The first guy said my hair looked bigger in my profile pictures (good or bad thing? Who’s to say…). The second guy I saw for about 45 minutes and I couldn’t tell you one single thing we talked about. Third guy worked at a bar and said 4 am was his bedtime (mine’s at 9 pm). Needless to say, it’s been an interesting decade of dating. Below, in no particular order, are some of the worst/weirdest dates I’ve been on.

1. R: Wore a wrap skirt on our date and told me he and his dog liked to cross dress and also that he changed his dog’s name every few weeks.
2. M: Got a gun pulled on us by a cop because he refused to slow down at a traffic stop.
3. E: Introduced himself to me with one name then two dates later told me his name was something else. Was he on the run? Perhaps. Also he wore a fur trimmed trench coat on date #2. Worked at the post office and hated it. Wasn’t my mailman but did end up delivering mail to my house randomly after we broke up. Creep-city central.
4. J: Met him at Green Mill before we were supposed to go to a concert. Hated him within 5 minutes of meeting. Ran to the bathroom to come up with a plan of action to leave (lie about being sick, lie that a friend was in trouble, just lie SOME lie any lie dammit), left the bathroom with no plan, went back to our table, opened my mouth and the following words came out: “I’m sorry I’m gonna go.” Received a mean text at 1 am. It was deserved.
5. D: Made the grave mistake of going to trivia night WHICH LASTS FOR APPROXIMATELY 17 HOURS. Longest date ever. He kept saying “I can’t believe you like me.” Which, by the 8th hour, I did not.
6. A: Made out on a square of carpet sample in his unfinished basement. Kept asking me to say what body part of mine was my favorite. Vom.
7. J2: Ditched me in the security line at the airport because he had TSA precheck and I didn’t. Great start to a romantic vacation. #Rude
8. H: Came back to my apartment for some beers and he made me SLOW DANCE in the living room to a song on YouTube.
9. T: Talked too much on the whole date, then ended the night by getting into a discussion about men’s rights and how feminism has made life hard for guys. Regardless, i sent a text saying I had fun (shouldn’t have done it but oh well). He responded by saying I seemed sad and distant. Which, in retrospect, I guess I was, because MEN’S RIGHTS IS NOT A THING, and that some people think it is makes me sad and want to put distance between me and that person.
10. So many more to come….